I'm no stranger to self-sabotage. From the moment I started drinking, I was stuck in a toxic cycle of my own making. Every decision I made revolved around alcohol. If I wasn't drunk, I was thinking about my next drink. My thought process was so skewed by alcoholism that it's a wonder I survived as much as I did.
Looking back, I see how alcohol fueled my self-destruction. I’d make plans while sober, only to cancel because drinking took priority. I pushed away people who cared because I didn’t want them to see me at my worst, or admit that I was at my worst. I sabotaged opportunities, convincing myself I didn’t deserve good things.
It’s like I was trying to prove I was unworthy of happiness, using alcohol as the tool to reinforce that belief. Drinking numbed the guilt and shame but also created more reasons to feel guilty and ashamed. Getting sober forced me to confront the truth: I had been my own worst enemy. Acknowledging that hurt, but it was also a turning point.
Self-sabotage is a silent, destructive force that keeps us stuck in cycles of regret, shame, and missed opportunities. One of the most common and socially accepted forms is alcohol use. While drinking is often seen as a way to unwind or celebrate, it can also serve as a tool for self-destruction, fueling behaviors that keep us from living our fullest lives.
Alcohol can create a false sense of security, numbing pain and silencing doubt. But rather than addressing the root causes of distress, it traps us in a cycle of avoidance. Impaired judgment can lead to impulsive decisions, creating a ripple effect of regret that reinforces feelings of unworthiness.
One of the most insidious ways alcohol fuels self-sabotage is through the shame spiral. A night of drinking can lead to embarrassing moments or neglected responsibilities, followed by guilt and self-criticism. To numb that guilt, many turn back to drinking, creating a loop that’s hard to break. Over time, this erodes self-trust and makes change even harder.
Most nights were a blackout for me. The next morning, I'd be terrified of looking at my phone to see what destruction I had wrought. I never failed to screw something up. It's a horrible feeling, and one of the main things that keeps me from even thinking about drinking. The freedom and peace of knowing that I didn't get sh*t-faced and do something stupid or hurtful to someone, is worth everything to me.
Alcohol also becomes a way to delay facing fears, whether it’s pursuing a dream, mending relationships, or working on self-improvement. The time spent drinking, recovering, and dealing with consequences takes away from personal growth. When alcohol becomes a coping mechanism, it keeps us stagnant.
Breaking this cycle starts with self-awareness and compassion. Recognizing how alcohol holds you back allows you to make choices aligned with your values. Whether it’s cutting back, quitting altogether, or finding healthier coping strategies, replacing self-sabotage with self-care is a radical act of self-love.
A really good piece of advice I once read is the concept of "stopping the train." When you're addicted, you’re like a train speeding down the tracks, pulling along all the problems your addiction has created like train cars. When you try to sober up, the train stops, but all those cars are still behind you, pushing and crashing into you. All the problems you created are still there, some might only really surface when you're sober. That momentum can push you back into addiction if you don’t have the tools to handle the stress.
A big part of getting sober is dealing with the mess you've created, and that doesn’t make it any easier. But the longer you avoid confronting it, the harder it becomes, as more and more things accumulate.
Alcohol can be both a mask and a weapon, hiding pain while inflicting deeper wounds. Recognizing the connection between drinking and self-sabotage is the first step to breaking free. By choosing clarity over numbness and growth over stagnation, you can reclaim control of your life.
The choice is yours. Will you continue the cycle, or will you break it?
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